Last night on...

First of all, I am NOT an Oprah person. I never watch the show. Usually when I do come across it, I am waiting for the next show on afterwards. With that out of the way...

Last night as I was waiting for Sex in the City I was watching the last 15 min of Oprah. The show was about a professor in Pittsburgh who has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. It was about the process of dying and things he was doing to prepare himself and his young family for his death. Let me say, I LOVE his outlook on life. We view life in a very similar fashion which is live life to the fullest. I will NEVER regret anything I have done but I might regret things I did not do. That is what I fear the most about the end of my life; accomplishing everything I want to do.

This man was very straight forward about his fears (pain being one) and about what he wants to do in his last final months. He is mobile and pain free at the moment so he makes the most out of his time i.e. playing football with his autographed Steelers football, playing with his kids, and lots of sex with his wife:)

The thing that really hit home for me was the question: "How have you rearragned your priorities?" His reply was "Even before the diagnosis my priorities were always established...the diagnosis didn't change a thing." Good man! I thought about that myself. If I was diagnosed with terminal cancer today, what would I do? The answer was plain as day. Not much! My priorities are just the way I (emphasis on I) want them and I am doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing. I am fortunate enough at 30 to have seen a lot of the world. I have loved, been loved, been screwed, been fucked, made love to, laughed, cried, and screamed.

I would like the time to do a lot more of that but I truly live each day as if it is my last. I pack it all in and I never say "I will put that off until next year" (unless it involves writing my thesis).

I wear my good lingerie for a quicky and even when I vacuum the house. I can't wait for that "Special Moment"...what if it never comes? I wear my finest jewelry when I walk the dogs and when I eat out in Paris. My favorite running shirt is my $55 shirt from Ambercrombie and Fitch and all my underwear is "good underwear". I spend a lot on my running shoes because they protect my knees. I eat candied almonds that are $90/lb (I only buy a few grams!) and I like my wine expensive and tasty. My bed linens are the softest, after all life is too short to sleep on rough sheets, especially when sleeping is one of your hobbies.

Point is, we shouldn't wait. Our time might be up sooner than we ever imagined. We should do what makes OURSELVES happy, not anyone else.

I love Elvis

I love Elvis:)


Its now or never,
Come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
Be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
Its now or never
My love wont wait.

When I first saw you
With your smile so tender
My heart was captured,
My soul surrendered
Id spend a lifetime
Waiting for the right time
Now that your near
The time is here at last.

Its now or never,
Come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
Be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
Its now or never
My love wont wait.

Just like a willow,
We would cry an ocean
If we lost true love
And sweet devotion
Your lips excite me,
Let your arms invite me
For who knows when
Well meet again this way

Its now or never,
Come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
Be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
Its now or never
My love wont wait.

Life after the dissertation

If I had a nickel for every time somebody asked "What are you going to do after graduation?" I would be in Costa Rica on a beach. What made me really nervous the other day is that BOTH my advisors asked me that same question in the same week. Are they nervous because I haven't talked about life after graduation? Should I be looking for a job? What the hell do I want to do anyway? Errrrgh, these question make my palms sweat and my stomach turn. I just don't know! Not a clue! No freaking idea! My main advisor was seriously trying to tempt me to stay here and do a post-doc. Tempting. It would require very little effort on my part to secure the position and the pay ain't so bad either. Considering the state of the U.S. economy, it might be wise to stay here for awhile. Job, check...house, check...car, check...sunshine, check. Even Todd, who initially bitched about BNE, has no problem staying. His job is not so bad either!

We will see though. After my 3 months in Europe I might just want to stay north. Getting back to the states is not only a bitch flight but very expensive. Ick...no more on that topic.

Four more weeks until marathon day! Thank god! I am over this long run bullshit:( I am certainly over getting up at 0445 to be running by 0530. It is still fucking dark and we are entering autumn so daylight is only getting scarcer. Sucks...I hate BNE winters. Bring on summer!!!!!

Cultivating inner peace

I know the title of this post sounds cheesy! However, my goal for the next 2 weeks is to cultivate some serious inner peace. It is tough...no lie. I figure if I can do it despite the turmoil of my professional and personal life then anything else will be easy.

When I think of peace, this poem comes to mind. I used to have it hanging in my room as a little girl and somehow it got lost. However, I always keep a written copy in my wallet. Lately I have replaced my meditation mantra with this poem entitled Desiderata.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrman, 1927

Panda Month

Sunday marks the beginning of panda month at the National Zoo! How exciting! If I was in DC, I would be at the zoo everyday. Sadly, I am not:(

There is a lot happening around here but I don't have the space to put it all down. I am sure that those who do happen to read my blog already know what is up.

On a good note, I am so close to submitting my article to the Journal of Social Science and Medicine. Thank you GOD if this thing gets accepted!